A new way of friendship

I wish to share a little personal story about standing up for yourself and the magic it can bring into your life.

It is about friendship. And it is a long story, so you might want to take a cup of tea or something to take your time with it.


For years ever since i am a woman, i had this longing to travel back in time to childhood. Where friendship was all about playing. An intuitive get-together wherein anything could arrise: we could sing, dance, perform a little show for each other, we made nature-soup, digging holes to find special golden sand. We laughed, cried, made up imaginary stories, giving each other comfort and cuddles.

And i missed this in my ‘grown-up life’. How come we stop cuddling at some point?

The thing that mostly fascinated me was this certain ‘shape’ that arrises in grown-up friendship. And that is:

To sit together and to talk.

(okay, now and then ‘they’ play a game, but those have rules too…)

I felt hugely uncomfortable in this ‘sitting-together-shape’. And especially the talking part.

But i wasn’t very concious of the fact i actually have a C H O I C E. To choose whatever shape suits M E. Regardless of what is perceived as normal.

So one day i díd realise i have a choice.

And that changed everything.


I started to actually feel my preferences again.

And i asked myself: what do I want?
(short question with big impact)

So i decided to follow the answers to this question.

I chose some friends to practice with (they didn’t know). Mostly people i only knew for a short period of time.

And playfullness came back.
And cuddles came back.
A lot of love.
And laughter.
And freedom.
And music.
Ideas and stories.

A new way of friendship. Wow… i came back to life…


there was one friend to who i didn’t dare to introduce my new way of friendship. Even thought i R E A L L Y wanted it. She was my best and oldest friend!

How do you change a friendship wherein the grown-up-way of connecting has become thé way?


About half a year ago she came to visit me. It was new years eve and we decided to spend some time together.

So i opened the door for her. And she put down her coat. And i gave her a drink. And we sat down at the couch. And i asked her how she was doing. And she asked the same thing to me.

And i felt my whole body cramping.

I couldn’t do it anymore.

The answer to the ‘what do i want’- question was so clear:

I didn’t want to talk.
I was tired.
I wanted to be silent.
To just be together.
And to open a space wherein anything could arrise.
I wanted to be free together!

So i said: ‘actually i want to be silent for a bit, is that okay?’

‘Oh… sure’, she said. A bit uncomfortable.

So i laid down on the ground. In front of the stove. And said nothing.

I felt nervous.

She gazed outside, through the window.

I gazed at the carpet.


And then… something magical happened…..


She took a deep breath. Pulled up her legs and laid her body down at the couch. Breathing out.

The whole vibe changed.

Suddenly we were both sinking into our bodies, the moment, the nothingness.

A beautiful feeling of freedom.

And from there….the most beautiful intuitive connected evening started to unfold.

We laughed like we didn’t do for áges! We made the most silly jokes. There was silence, and sound, and sharing. So much freedom. And real real connection. I read a story to her (never did that before) and she asked for another one.

A beautiful loving space wherein anything was allowed.

It was the beginning of a whole new way of friendship. And súch an incredible amount of L O V E we share. And it only grows and grows… deeper and deeper… some days i cannot believe how happy and lucky i am to have her in my life and so close to my heart. It’s a blessing.